November Twelfth... Not now answers

Twelfth is a really weird word... Just had to say that :)

For several months Don and I have been talking about what I will do when Conner goes to school, I have done a lot of praying and a lot of researching of what I think would be best for my family, and be able to help Don through school the most.

About 3 weeks ago Don had to register for classes and looking at how much he has left to accomplish we decided it might be a good thing for me to look for a job early in order to get through school faster. We prayed about it and the next day in RS I was talking to my friend Wendy (she is also my vt), and we talked about her job (it is the same job I had been thinking of for months). She has been doing it for 9 months now and has found that she loves it. It just felt so right, and I told her that was what I wanted to do next August when Conner goes to school. She said she would keep her eyes open and let me know if she saw any openings.

The RS lesson that day was about Elder Bednar's talk in this last General Conference. It is entitled: The Windows of Heaven. The lesson was on the blessings we receive when we are faithful (especially with tithing) and there were certainly some things that stood out to me:
 We may need and pray for help to find suitable employment. Eyes and ears of faith (see Ether 12:19) are needed, however, to recognize the spiritual gift of enhanced discernment that can empower us to identify job opportunities that many other people might overlook—or the blessing of greater personal determination to search harder and longer for a position than other people may be able or willing to do. We might want and expect a job offer, but the blessing that comes to us through heavenly windows may be greater capacity to act and change our own circumstances rather than expecting our circumstances to be changed by someone or something else.

It seemed like this and many other things were exactly what I was praying for that day.

True to her word, the next day Wendy came visiting teaching and we got talking about the job more. She let me know that she did know of an opening and that it was at Leigha's school. I am sorry I failed to mention before, but the job would be as an Instructional Assistant (teachers aid) I would have the same hours and holidays as my kids! The pay here in Elko is very good, so it would mean Don could go to part time work and full time school. There was one catch... the opening for the job ended the next day.

I have not done a resume or cover letter, much less an application in nearly 9 years! I felt lost at what to do... My amazing sister Janice was there to help me every step of the way. In fact she practically wrote my resume for me and really helped me with the cover letter. (THANK YOU NANI!!!) And this was the week that Leigha was getting baptized so we had SO much going on with that and Halloween and her birthday and feeding the sisters and family coming and and and... I did not know if it was right but I knew I needed to exert my faith and show Heavenly Father that I was listening and willing.

Miraculously we were able to get everything done in time and I quickly heard back from them, and had an interview that Friday. The interview went great, it felt great, it felt right, and I was very optimistic. Then day after day went and I became less confident, and I wasn't sure that it was even the right thing anymore, but I held on to my answer that this is the right job, even if it is not the right time.

Today I heard back and I didn't the job. I am totally fine though because I know that if it were right that I would have gotten it. I also know that when we feel something is right, and the answer is no that it does not mean the door is shut, it might just be a not now. Those answers are sometimes the hardest to get but through them you can receive great blessing through practicing continued faith in your answer. Elder Bednar also said this:
Sometimes we may ask God for success, and He gives us physical and mental stamina. We might plead for prosperity, and we receive enlarged perspective and increased patience, or we petition for growth and are blessed with the gift of grace. He may bestow upon us conviction and confidence as we strive to achieve worthy goals. And when we plead for relief from physical, mental, and spiritual difficulties, He may increase our resolve and resilience.

I don't feel that the door is shut, I don't feel that the answer is a "no". I am grateful for the answer not now, for the assurance that Don and I have set righteous goals with our Eternal family at the fore-front. I am grateful for a loving and knowing Heavenly Father who wants what is best for us.

I have received the answer of "not now" many times before, and for a lot of those instances I have been blessed to see the reason. Some of our not now answers have been turned to a yes, and some have been turned to a not now for mortality, and some of them have been turned to a no. Two years ago my biggest goal and dream and desire of my heart was to have more kids, twice I got the answer not now (I am so grateful I heeded that answer), and now the answer has changed. We will not be having more children. I am okay with it. It is still hard but I completely understand and have peace. I am so grateful that I can see and know that He knows what is best for me and for my family. If the answer had been yes it would have put my family in a nearly impossible situation, and both the baby and I might have been lost.

Right now it is not the time for THAT job, I am not going to quit trying. Now it is not children, but because of that answer I am given opportunities to grow and have a greater understanding. Elder Bednar also said this:
I testify that as we are spiritually attentive and observant, we will be blessed with eyes that see more clearly, ears that hear more consistently, and hearts that understand more fully the significance and subtlety of His ways, His thoughts, and His blessings in our lives.

I have seen this promise fulfilled in my life, and I continue to see it fulfilled in my life now, and I hope that I can stay spiritually attentive and observant so I can see it fulfilled throughout my life.

I also found this inspiring (especially today), and I hope that I can continue to be grateful for ALL answers I receive from my Father in Heaven: (also from Elder Bednars talk)

The imagery of the “windows” of heaven used by Malachi is most instructive. Windows allow natural light to enter into a building. In like manner, spiritual illumination and perspective are poured out through the windows of heaven and into our lives as we honor the law of tithing.

For example, a subtle but significant blessing we receive is the spiritual gift of gratitude that enables our appreciation for what we have to constrain desires for what we want. A grateful person is rich in contentment. An ungrateful person suffers in the poverty of endless discontentment (see Luke 12:15).

Day #12: I am grateful for Not Now answers, and continued strength through continued faith. I am grateful for the loving guidance of the spirit to direct us and help us set goals.
I am also grateful that tonight I can go get fro-yo with friends... because I am slightly sad but some cake batter fro-yo can fix that :)